Experiencing the loss of a loved one at a young age may be difficult for a child or adolescent to understand. At Roper & Sons in Lincoln, our funeral directors work with families to help them plan for children in attendance at services and to prepare them for what to expect. We know this is an important step in talking about death with children and helping kids understand and manage their loved one’s passing.
Understanding the Purpose of a Funeral or Memorial Service
A funeral or memorial service is a way to say goodbye, and it helps people remember and honor someone who has died. As a parent or caregiver, you may be wondering if it is appropriate for children to attend a service? The answer is Yes.
It’s important to recognize that your child will be impacted by the death of a loved one no matter how much you try to shield them from your grief and sadness. Not allowing them to attend a service may make them feel left out and unable to say goodbye on their own. Children and teens should be given the choice to attend a funeral or memorial service and participate in ways that are meaningful to them.
How to Talk About Death
When family members are experiencing grief and loss, children notice these changes and want to know what is wrong. While it’s a hard topic, death happens to all living things. Helping kids understand this as part of the life cycle can make it feel less scary.
It’s natural for a child to have feelings about death. Be mindful of how you approach the topic and be prepared to answer their questions. Where did the deceased person go? When are they coming back? With teens, they may struggle with keeping their emotions in check or figuring out how to interact or support their family and friends.
Providing a safe, compassionate space where kids can talk about death helps them process their feelings and get the support they need during this time. Use simple, age-appropriate explanations to build trust and understanding. Avoid words like “passed away” or “gone to sleep,” which can confuse them.
Attending the Service
When explaining a funeral or memorial service to a child, it’s helpful to present it in a way that prepares them for what they may see or experience.
- Family and friends come together to remember the person who died.
- There may be a casket that is open for people to view.
- People may say prayers, share stories, and songs may be sung during the service.
- Some people may cry because they are sad, while others may laugh as they share favorite memories.
- Photographs and personal items might be on display.
- Flowers sent by family, friends, and colleagues will surround the room.
- Many people attend a Visitation the day before if they can’t attend the service.
- We may ride in a car to the cemetery where the casket will be placed.
- After the service and/or burial, people may come together to comfort one another by sharing food and stories.
It’s important to let your child know that everyone grieves differently and that people’s emotions may change throughout the day of the service, from sad to happy.
Normalize the Experience
You may be concerned about your child viewing the deceased, but this is an important step in the way they process the experience. Viewing may help them understand that death is a natural part of life and that your loved one will not be coming back. Ultimately, you will want to reassure your child that the decision to view is up to them.
Be sure to encourage your child to talk to you or another trusted adult about what is on their mind, to ask questions, or if they need comfort. Remind them that they are not alone, and that being together as a family or community can help everyone feel supported as they remember and honor the person who died.
Grief Resources for Children
Mourning Hope Grief Center in Lincoln, Nebraska, offers a safe environment where children, adults, and families can participate in grief support groups with peers their own age who have experienced similar loss. They are taught healthy coping skills for dealing with the death of a significant person and freedom to grieve in their own way. For more information about their services, call (402) 488-8989.